Michelle Lo
I wish I could say how sorry I was about that day.
The memory so vivid—it feels just like yesterday.
The somber mood drowned the air
As I felt a twinge of heartbreak and despair.
I wish I could remember your last “Hello,”
But all I remember is your smile that haunts me so.
I sat away—afraid of the sickness
That would take you away without forgiveness.
You pat the empty seat next to you
That I reluctantly moved quietly on to.
There’s so much that I wish I could say.
I could have even hugged you instead of pushing you away.
I remember your smile—so bright and kind,
It made me forget your fate that had been assigned.
I hope you know that I was selfish,
And that the guilt that has haunted me has been hellish.
I hope you know I still miss you so
And I hope you know I love you so.
Some day I know we’ll meet again
When my life too will come to an end.
You’ll be waiting with radish cakes—
The dish you know I like more than steaks.
I’ll tell you how sorry I was for my actions that day
And that I missed you more than words can even portray.
I’ll be waiting for that day when I can see your face,
And I can’t wait to meet you again with a warm embrace.
Michelle Lo has long found solace in her words. All the Words I Couldn’t Say is an attempt to unravel her interlaced guilt and pain, woven for years through the very fabric of her being. Reflecting on her trip to Hong Kong to say goodbye to her terminally ill grandmother, she battles with her youthful naivety and the pain it has caused her. Lo’s reluctance to spend time with her grandmother during their last meeting stemmed from her innocent fear that she would “contract” the cancer that had afflicted the body of her loved one. The decision she made in her youth has persisted, evolving into remorse, forcing her to finally confront her unresolved past.
Lo believes that poetry consolidates her experiences and allows her to remember her memories in fuller detail. “Writing poetry makes everything feel so much more real and allows me to express my pain and emotions in a way that feels powerful,” Lo said. Being able to cope with her experiences in such an honest art form has allowed Lo to remind herself that imperfections are inherent in life and that nothing or no one is flawless.
Art Showcase Club 