Saudade

Michelle Lo

All our friends ask if I’ve moved on yet
And maybe I have, but
I still remember your birthday,
Still keep photos of us in my gallery,
Still remember the sound of your voice,
Still read our conversations together,
And my heart still skips a beat when I hear your name.
My honest answer is “I miss you.”

All our friends ask why we can never be
Just friends
Like we used to be.
Maybe it’s because of your eyes—
Those eyes that remind me of the person I once knew.
I can’t look into eyes I once saw a future in
And say “I see nothing.”

All our friends ask why I can’t forget you
Even when I miss you more than the stars miss the sun.
The truth is:
Pain is the only thing I have left—keeping me with you.
Because pain is all you left me.

Maybe I might just never
Fully and wholeheartedly recover from the chapter in my life that was you.